Setting Your Intentions

Models of all sizes

I’m sure by now you’ve seen there’ll be a plus size model in the sports illustrated swimsuit addition.   Well technically there will be 2, one is featured in an ad the other in the issue itself.   Both in bikinis,  bravo SI for not covering these beautiful women up.   I think this is great,  seeing these pictures I’m thrilled and hoping the industry starts to use models of all sizes.
Ashley
hannah

What makes me so thrilled is I look at these women and see curves, curves that I can identify with. Maybe some of this body hate comes from always seeing woman who never look like me, there are no 5’5″ cover girls. I’m excited, i can look at these woman and see sexy beautiful women, maybe it’s a start, for the industry and for me.

You can read the buzzfead Article herehttp://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/meet-the-first-plus-size-model-to-ever-appear-in-the-sports?s=mobile

Clarification…

I wanted to clear up some things about my new project I am in no way giving up on being healthy, eating healthy or exercising. I am however added to that, this is a way to get my mind healthy.  Even at goal I had a poor image of myself, I hated pieces of myself so even at my goal weight I needed more.  Why? Even now not at goal why am I not enough why do I have to say some truly ugly things to myself.  This journey is about loving myself no matter where I am weight wise.  I am still tracking my food, still eating healthy and vegan.  I teach spin class once a week work out 5 days a week plus play roller derby. Fitness keeps me sane but I also need to learn how to let go of my demons and the angry voices in my head, those voices keep me trapped in a world of binge eating and self loathing, they have contributed to the eating disorders I’ve faced and they need to go.  So after seeing myself start to slide into old patterns and considering reaching for the laxatives (my eating disorder or choice) I’ve decided I need to change not what I am doing by my way of thinking.  So here I am on a journalling journey to self love, so I’m gonna do the eat pray love thing without the praying cause that’s not my thing. 

Lots more to come hope you enjoy the writings and embark on a self love journey too

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Body Image discovery

So through journalling I’m discovering different things about my body image.  I took a self assessment through the workbook I am using and one thing that surprised me was how bad my self image is and how often I think about it.  Obviously these are self conscious thought almost automatic.  It made me a little sad,I actually have a great image for myself when the question comes to my ability,my intellegence and my parenting. My poor image is really just concentrated on my body.  I knew I had a poor image and was self conscious but didn’t realize how much energy I waste on it.  I have been continuing to journal but haven’t worked on the next step which is discovering where this image began to develop for some reason I am having trouble motivating myself to tackle this chapter.  I think I work on it a little tonight .

My New Project

I know I’ve been silent lately but it doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything, I have a new project.  I’m working on my body image this year.  This was my new year goal.  I’ve really been struggling with this since gaining weight after leaving weight watchers and the more I beat myself up the more I gained.  So enough, enough with the hate, enough with the internal struggle.  Is it going to be easy, ummm NO. Is it going to be worth it, hell yeah!  I know what you’re thinking “Marissa it’s the 23, why now?” Well I’ve actually been working since Christmas I just wasn’t sure I wanted to blog about it.  But I’ve decided I’m not alone and sharing my journey would be a good thing.  I am using a body image workbook and the book “Somebody to love” so I’ve got some guidance here and I’m sure I’ll find other books.  I have been journaling, I am not at the point were it’s changing things but I will say there are things I’ve written that have surprised me. 

Not a workout

So today I took the yoga mat outside to do three circuits of mountain climbers and angry crabs and a mix of other excersizes but after 1 ish rounds I gave in to laying in the sun listening to my ipod. My legs were really tired so I got the message and I’m resting instead. There is always tomorrow, I have a class and roller derby in line for tomorrow so today is a good day to rest

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When this is the view why not!?!!

2 months post breast reduction

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