Even though I have gained and I’ve complained, whined, and bitched about it. I haven’t gone all the way back. That’s something I rarely give myself credit for. Aurora just came out of her room with this picture to show me I’m still not the girl I was. I’m still 70 pounds lighter than this. I forget. That’s the best way to put it I forget where I came from. I forget where I was when I started this journey. I was told by my pt that I have body dismorphia, she made a comment that I wasn’t a big girl and I basically called her a liar. I don’t see what other people see, I think most of us are like that. I hate that I don’t see myself in a positive light, I hate that my kids see me tear myself apart. These are things I truly need to work on, even at goal I did it. And it may be part of the reason I’m not at goal. Tearing myself apart is like saying I didn’t deserve it, that my hard work aside I wasn’t good enough. But at any weight I’m good enough, I need to learn to believe I’m beautiful, that beauty is more than a bikini body.


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