Our own versions of body Dis morphia

This is eating disorder awareness week and Daniel over at www.weightofmyshoulders.com has  been posting this week about her experiences with this.  One of my former members and an all around amazing chic Becky reposted Dani’s blog about being called anorexic she said she doubts anyone would ever say that about her.  Our Facebook conversation got me thinking about in the past when I was  losing weight and almost at goal I was told I was losing too much weight or if I lost more I’d disappear.  And it hurt my feelings, because why couldn’t I be just right???  Also do we ever feel fully content even at my thinnest I didn’t see myself as thin.  I don’t think I ever saw myself as thin.  But I know when those things were said I was hurt.  I knew that I was striving for healthy and that was what mattered.  Her comment about thinking no one would ever call her that got me to thinking about how we see ourselves.  Like I said I never saw myself as thin and now that I am 15 pounds over goal I see myself right back where I was at the beginning.  All those negative thoughts have crept back in, all the Dis morphia.  In reality I am wearing size 10 pants not the size 20 I was wearing when I started this journey.  As much as I am struggling with the mechanical parts of this journey,the measuring a d tracking, I am really struggling with the mental part.  This set back has done a number on the way I see myself.  For so long a big part of my identity was the weight watcher leader, the weight watcher member at goal and now I’m floundering.  Looking for who and what I am now.  All this being said I am doing some things right.  I usually track through lunch falling off after that, generally I’m making good decisions.  And I put the brakes on at 20 pounds, realizing this isn’t right.  Making myself a priority again.  And stop looking at myself and thinking bad things even if that thought creeps in I’m going to use the tool of positive self talk. 

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Becky
    Feb 28, 2013 @ 17:01:16

    I’ve had this exact conversation with a friend! I don’t ever see myself as thin…it’s not something I ever achieved so I can’t imagine being called it in a negative way if that makes any sense. But I have certainly seen what it does to others. But I do often question if I will ever be happy with what I look like….or will I lose all this weight and still rip myself apart every time I look in the mirror!?! The mental struggle for me has been MUCH harder then any of my food issues that I have/had! And for the 1st half of this journey it was ALL about the scale for me! I needed the pounds gone and fast!!! Since my weight loss has slowed down I have been forced to deal with the mental part of this journey. Loving myself and appreciating the journey because I actually am learning a TON about myself and my strength! I am no longer focused on being that perfect weight watcher and am more focused on being the best Me! I work my ass off and I have fun doing it! I feel strong and healthy and even when I do fall back into old paterns and it reflects on the scale I know I am still making strides in the right direction because I have picked myself up and moved on….not quit! The scale is what it is but I WILL NOT let this damn extra weight beat me! I WILL be healthy for myself and my family!!
    I really do hope you find your groove Marissa!! You have been such an inspiration for me!!!

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    • rissamama3
      Feb 28, 2013 @ 17:26:50

      I’ll find my grove never count me out just made my grocery list for the week and I’m setting myself up for success!! I can not wait to see you again and give you a ginormous hug. You have no idea how much you inspire me, to be the lady you see me as!

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  2. Becky
    Mar 01, 2013 @ 09:15:25

    You ARE that lady Marissa! We all lose our way at times…life gets hectic and in your case turned upside down and and we may forget how great we feel when we’re in control or get tired of the planning, and effort that goes into this! But you are that strong and determined person…that never went away!

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  3. Joanne Hoffman
    Mar 13, 2013 @ 20:36:22

    Hi Marissa,you probably don’t remember me,but You were an inspiration to me and Jensi,I am sure having to move away was traumatic for you,add the winter and being away from friends,and the stress of this past year ….is the reason for all this…you are Normal…just saying you will get back on track..you will be in my prayers…xoxo Joanne Hoffman

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