Do You Beat Up On Yourself?

After 10 months of being on weight watchers losing 69.4 pounds, going down 5 pants sizes, increasing my cardiovascular health by who knows how much, being able to run 3 miles with out stopping why am I beating up on myself??? I recently went to my brothers wedding and felt amazing that night, loved the way I looked, everything. But I am up on the scale this week (although unofficially as I am not making it to my WW meeting tomorrow) and as the pictures are being posted I am picking at myself.

I am sure everyone has that thing they pick on about themselves, whether it is there stomach or legs. For me it’s my arms, I have always had bigger arms, they never fit into button up shirts right or were small. I have beefy arms. Well I am one of those people who gains weight everywhere I am not top or bottom heavy, I am was just heavy. Well when I pose for a picture I always put my hand on my hip camouflaging my arms. Well in a few pictures I didn’t do this or I was dancing and didn’t pose. And I am picking the crap out of those, for the most part it’s loose skin with some fat left but it bothers me more than I KNOW it should. And if I wasn’t up at the scale I probably would let it go but now I am finding myself questioning my resolve, my level of commitment. Am I giving it my all? Should I be further along? Am I working out to intensity? Am I worked out enough? Should I be further along in my running? Or worse I start comparing myself, I know better than to do this. I know this is MY journey and is unique to me, I am not someone else do not live in their shoes so I can not make those comparisons.

I am up this week at the scale and I know why, I took a test for a professional certification 2 weeks ago and the week leading to that I stress ate then after taking it I celebrated, then this past week started with my brothers wedding I was down Saturday by 1.6 pounds which I was surprised at, I think those weeks caught up to me this week I believe I am up 2 pounds but again this isn’t official for me unless it is at WW. I may go in at 8 am tomorrow just to put this behind me make it official and get past it. I won’t be going to my actual meeting tomorrow since I can’t make my meeting I am participating in the A Walk in the Sun held by the Autism Society of NH, with my step mother and all my children. We are walking this to honor my middle son who turned 11 this week and has Aspergers syndrome. I am excited to do this walk, not for the physical aspect but because I am doing it with my family.

So tomorrow bright and early I will go to my WW center weigh in make the gain official so I can say FU gain and put in behind me, I will then enjoy the day with my family and move on. Because this is for the rest of my life and I am going to have ups and downs isn’t that what life is about anyway?

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Glam
    Oct 22, 2010 @ 15:58:12

    Girl, I know the feeling. I gain weight all over, but could never pick just one body part. I used to be mortified by all of them! My arms stayed covered up all of the time though. I call them my Jimmy Deans because they look like sausage links…

    This past summer I was in a wedding and the dresses were sleeveless. I obsessed about it until finally I said eff it. I have to live my life as I am now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not trying to better myself at the same time. It’s a delicate balancing act.

    Sounds like you already know this though. Over the past few days you’ve had amazing body confidence and have been feeling really great about yourself. As you should – you look amazing!

    Just know this is a temporary feeling. You’ll be back to awesome in no time. And if you’re not feeling it, just look at the smokin hot photo you posted the other day. You are rocking the hell out of that outfit!

    Hang in there!

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  2. rissamama3
    Oct 22, 2010 @ 17:09:07

    thank you for the support, this was the first step getting it out there and not holding those feelings in. Now to get back on track and move on. I love the jimmy deans comment.

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  3. luau
    Oct 26, 2010 @ 21:52:32

    Stop beating yourself up! Look at the overall trend is going in the right direction. The pictures you have posted are rockin’! Everybody has ups and downs…and quite honestly we need the downs, so we can appreciate our triumphs even more.

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