Falling Out Of Love

I recently had a conversation over messanger with a friend.  She’s really been struggling with her routine.


I can identify, I’ve been there. one minute you’re chugging along and everything is perfect. you feel like you could live this clean eating healthy lifestyle forever. then BAM you’re completely derailed, you have to change your routine or worse come up with a whole new game plan. if you’ve ever been injured then you know how hard it is to go from active to sidelined then trying to find your way to active again. 
My advice to her with fake it until you make it. I have had to do this in the past, I have not felt like it, I have not wanted to do it, I have made every excuse. it needs to be part of your routine, it needs to be non-negotiable.  It doesn’t have to be complicated, it doesn’t have to be hard, you just need to find a way to move. start small, when I first started my journey I could barely do 10 minutes on the elliptical. but I did 10 minutes on the elliptical. you need to find something that you can do that is physical even if it’s not for a long period of time.

While you were faking it to make it, explore other options if what you were doing isn’t working anymore try and find something else. there are hundreds if not more workout videos, classes, activities.  Find one that makes you happy, even if you have to find one that doesn’t make you wanna claw your eyeballs out.  It takes time to make something a habit, they say it takes 21 days so find 21 days and do it.

Another way to motivate yourself to just do it, is to remind yourself why you’re doing it. I don’t do this just so I can have a “hot body” I do it for my mental health, for my family so I will be around for a long time to come, and for my own physical health. you might do it for mobility, or many other reasons but explore those find your reasons for being healthy. you need to often remind yourself why you’re on this journey because motivation comes and goes routines get screwed up and it’s not easy but it’s worth it.



Setting Your Intentions

Set Your Intentions


      The setting intentions for the week I believe is really important, I think that putting our intentions out to the world and not just keeping them secret is truly a path to success. When we keep our intention solely to ourselves we don’t really have faith that we’ll be able to achieve them. When we make our intentions known and take a leap of faith it’s much easier to stick to them because it’s not only known to us but we feel a sense of responsibility to the people we have told.
    So the question is how do we set our intentions.  How many times have you said I’ll start on a Monday but that Monday never comes. How many times have you been to afraid to tell people what you really want, but what would happen if we really did? What if we were honest about what we really wanted and what we were really willing to do in order to get it.
    So every week I try and set an intention for myself. It isn’t always weight related because I don’t feel like that’s achievable  every week.   So some weeks yes I set the intention that I’m going to eat cleanly and workout everyday, other weeks I set the intention that I’m going to be honest when it comes to my journal.
    So in order to set my intentions I start with a big goal. So if I were to set my intention for this week my big goal is to lose weight this week. But in order to make that big goal achievable I have to break it down into smaller goals. So the two things I would do to achieve my intention is to do piyo everyday and eat according to the 21 day fix plan. I think it’s important to set intentions there aren’t just surface there needs to be a why behind the intention. So why losing weight is so important to me right now is because my weight effects more than just my pants size. My weight is affecting my health both mentally and physically. I know that currently I am NOT at my best health and I also know how good I feel when I am at my best health.

     Everything in life starts with an intention whether that intention is well thought out and deliberate or subconscious some way we are setting intentions whether you realize it or not. So instead of subconsciously setting our intentions and allowing our subconscious to control and rule take a moment reflect on what you’re why is and set your intention around that.

Models of all sizes

I’m sure by now you’ve seen there’ll be a plus size model in the sports illustrated swimsuit addition.   Well technically there will be 2, one is featured in an ad the other in the issue itself.   Both in bikinis,  bravo SI for not covering these beautiful women up.   I think this is great,  seeing these pictures I’m thrilled and hoping the industry starts to use models of all sizes.

What makes me so thrilled is I look at these women and see curves, curves that I can identify with. Maybe some of this body hate comes from always seeing woman who never look like me, there are no 5’5″ cover girls. I’m excited, i can look at these woman and see sexy beautiful women, maybe it’s a start, for the industry and for me.

You can read the buzzfead Article herehttp://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/meet-the-first-plus-size-model-to-ever-appear-in-the-sports?s=mobile


I wanted to clear up some things about my new project I am in no way giving up on being healthy, eating healthy or exercising. I am however added to that, this is a way to get my mind healthy.  Even at goal I had a poor image of myself, I hated pieces of myself so even at my goal weight I needed more.  Why? Even now not at goal why am I not enough why do I have to say some truly ugly things to myself.  This journey is about loving myself no matter where I am weight wise.  I am still tracking my food, still eating healthy and vegan.  I teach spin class once a week work out 5 days a week plus play roller derby. Fitness keeps me sane but I also need to learn how to let go of my demons and the angry voices in my head, those voices keep me trapped in a world of binge eating and self loathing, they have contributed to the eating disorders I’ve faced and they need to go.  So after seeing myself start to slide into old patterns and considering reaching for the laxatives (my eating disorder or choice) I’ve decided I need to change not what I am doing by my way of thinking.  So here I am on a journalling journey to self love, so I’m gonna do the eat pray love thing without the praying cause that’s not my thing. 

Lots more to come hope you enjoy the writings and embark on a self love journey too


Body Image discovery

So through journalling I’m discovering different things about my body image.  I took a self assessment through the workbook I am using and one thing that surprised me was how bad my self image is and how often I think about it.  Obviously these are self conscious thought almost automatic.  It made me a little sad,I actually have a great image for myself when the question comes to my ability,my intellegence and my parenting. My poor image is really just concentrated on my body.  I knew I had a poor image and was self conscious but didn’t realize how much energy I waste on it.  I have been continuing to journal but haven’t worked on the next step which is discovering where this image began to develop for some reason I am having trouble motivating myself to tackle this chapter.  I think I work on it a little tonight .

My New Project

I know I’ve been silent lately but it doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything, I have a new project.  I’m working on my body image this year.  This was my new year goal.  I’ve really been struggling with this since gaining weight after leaving weight watchers and the more I beat myself up the more I gained.  So enough, enough with the hate, enough with the internal struggle.  Is it going to be easy, ummm NO. Is it going to be worth it, hell yeah!  I know what you’re thinking “Marissa it’s the 23, why now?” Well I’ve actually been working since Christmas I just wasn’t sure I wanted to blog about it.  But I’ve decided I’m not alone and sharing my journey would be a good thing.  I am using a body image workbook and the book “Somebody to love” so I’ve got some guidance here and I’m sure I’ll find other books.  I have been journaling, I am not at the point were it’s changing things but I will say there are things I’ve written that have surprised me. 

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